Merging Blogs and Moving

If this blog is in your Google Reader or bookmarked or you subscribe… (and BTW – thanks SO much if you do)..

I have merged RandomShelly, MotivateMeDaily and TheRoadBackToSexy – into one blog…  WOO HOO… no more confusion, or worrying (on my part if I should put a thought or post somewhere else…)

They are now located at www.randomshelly.com When you go there, the main focus is the store… but my blogs are me, the jewelry is me and I FINALLY decided that I want them all together…

and if you subscribed to more than one of them, wow, and you will get this post more than once – since I am making this my last post on these sites and will leave them up for a short time…

I launched the site before everything was perfect – so I WILL have issues… but I needed to get out of my own way and just get on with it already!  I thought I had lost all my comments when I moved the blog – but I didn’t!  woo hoo!  I love my comments!

I hope you enjoy the new site and as just stated, I love comments, suggestions, and definitely let me know if you find any issues!!

xoxox,

Shelly

Authenticity

The first thing that pops into my head when someone says authenticity (besides diamonds) is ‘advertising’ …  seriously.

The ad world has been skating around and slyly bending the truth for, well ever…  and in doing that, I don’t believe them anymore.

Ok, Ok – I do still believe I can take those pills and lose weight while I sleep – but only that one! HA

“Your reputation is in the hands of others. That’s what a reputation is. You can’t control that. The only thing you can control is your character.” Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

How true is that?

So now, after I think on the word authenticity for a little longer and go a little deeper, it takes me to people.  How do you know that a person is authentic?  By that I mean, that they really are the person that they say/act/portray themselves to be?  The answer is sadly that you sometimes never really know.

I have gut feelings about people, always have, hopefully always will… and over time I have been right…  I’ve made a few mis-steps…  some I made even knowing I was making them and a couple I have actually been surprised by…

The thing is, until they prove you right and expose their true self, it is hard to tell.  You may have a feeling, but you may not know why.

So to me – authenticity in people boils down to their character.  It is all about who they are when nobody is watching.  ANYONE can act for a short while, put on a show, say whatever they want, convince you that they may be true…  but NOBODY can keep that up forever.  A person’s true character ALWAYS comes out.

Which brings me to these 2 quotes:

You cannot dream yourself into a character; you must hammer and forge yourself one. Henry David Thoreau

“If you stand straight, do not fear a crooked shadow.” Chinese Proverb

SO now, let’s move on from just a person’s character and determine authenticity on another level…  How you live your life.

But you may say, “That is the same as character” – and while that is true to a degree, it does not encompass it all…

You see, I say that you can be true to your character, be nice, be mean, be indifferent, sneaky, malicious, whatever it is…  and still not be living your life authentically.

I think that when you don’t stand up for yourself, when you don’t speak your mind, when you ‘let things go’ too much…  you aren’t being authentic to YOURSELF.

“A “No” uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than a “Yes” merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble.” Gandhi

Do you really think that every single person who is selfish, or seems selfish… is crabby, or seems crabby really is that way naturally?  Some are… some definitely are. no.doubt.in.my.mind.

However, I think some of these people who you can see one way..  really aren’t being true to themselves.  They are hiding from something, they are ignoring something or they are too entrenched in their behavior to notice…  Maybe they are that way because people are mean to them, because they are crabby or mean… see the catch-22?

Well, I try very hard to live my life authentically.  I speak my mind, I say my peace, I admit my mistakes, I correct things that I can.  Am I perfect? NO.WAY.  Am I authentic?  I’d like to think so…  With me, it really is true, what you see is what you get…  (ok with the exception of one picture I posted on twitter and my site… it was a professionally done picture, my hair fell straight 30 minutes after it was taken, I had great make-up on… LOL – so when you see me in person, you’d recognize me, but, well, it could just be the lighting…  HA HA)

I’d like to think that everyone I meet, whether in person or online is really who they say they are…  and I’ve had some cases where people’s true characters have come out – sometimes that is good and sometimes not!  But for the most part I believe the best in people until I’m proved wrong… which is heart-breaking, but a part of life really.

So what is your definition of authentic?

Wisdom

I not only use all the brains that I have, but all that I can borrow.    Woodrow Wilson

If I would have read this quote in high school or college, I’m fairly certain that I wouldn’t have gotten it.

I would have said “huh?”

But today, I get it.

I really get it.

I used to sit and drive myself crazy, make myself sick trying to figure something out.

Why?  I have no idea.  Probably something to do with… “I can figure it out, I don’t need to ask for help because then ‘they’ will think I don’t know anything.

What a crock.

Now, if I spend more than 15 minutes racking my brain (on a big problem… on a small one I give it 5 minutes) I’ll hit Google, Twitter, text a friend, make a call.  I have never had anyone answer me with “that is a stupid question” – even if I thought it was… when you dont’ know the answer, you don’t know!

I WILL find the answer without tearing my hair out.  I love learning things.  Being frustrated?  Not so much!

Who has time or energy for that?  I don’t.

99.9% of the time I can get an answer pretty quickly…  I have a great network.  What does it cost me?   Nothing… because if someone poses a questions that I know the answer to… guess what…  I help them out!  I absolutely love that!!

So when you are really stuck on something…  and you know what it is you’re needing, but you just can’t quite get there.  Use your brain, and borrow the knowledge that is sitting right on the top of the mind of someone else.  You can’t be an expert in everything.  Nobody can.  There are so many great people out there who are experts, or hold specific knowledge and are willing to help if they can… and even if they might not know… they might know someone else who does have that knowledge…  All you have to do is ask! 🙂

Do what you love

I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate  – George Burns

This quote resonates on so many levels.

Why is it that we go to jobs we hate?  Why do we deal with people we would never socialize with anywhere else in life?  Why do we follow instructions that we don’t believe in?

Is it just the money?  Is it just the promotion?

“The success”?

Money is one powerful reason and/or excuse.

It is a very valid one too…

BUT…

What is the price of happiness?  Do you have to give up your creativity, your sense of humor, your passion, your motivation, your drive, and dare I say, your soul?

The answer is NO… no you don’t.

Things happen all the time.  Losing/Leaving a job is sometimes the most powerful thing that could happen to someone.

It can shake them right out of complacency.

If you are lucky enough to do what you love…  HOW WONDERFUL!  Good for you!  Cherish it.  Surely you do, you’d have to.

But if you are one of the many who come home day after day and say “I hate my job”…  or like I used to do during the day.. I would say “I love my job, I love my job…”  Just hoping, begging for it to be true…  [but it wasn’t true… ever]… then maybe the best thing you could do is PAUSE.

Pause?  Yes, pause.

Whatever it is that gets your creative juices flowing… find a little time to do that.

• write a pros/cons list.
• write down the things you enjoy doing.
• ask someone who knows you well what your strengths and weaknesses are.
• picture your life in the future (6 months, a year…) what are you doing?
• draw pictures.

If the thing that you are passionate about doesn’t make a lot of money, can you change things in your life so that you can do what you love and work it out?  Is continuing to deny your passions worth what it is costing you?

• satisfaction in the other areas of your life.
• stress in your current workplace.
• feeling of dread because you have to go back into work and do it.
• anxiety because you have to be nice to people you really don’t like.
• health issues that arise from these: stress, anxiety, ulcers, headaches, etc.

You don’t have to quit your job to start doing something you’re passionate about.  Try this…  Let the stresses go at work.  Decide that it doesn’t matter…  Ignore the trolls.  Do your job.. and when you walk out the door… leave the thoughts, the stress, the bullsh*t there.  DO NOT bring it home with you…

Now, take all that extra energy you should have (because you aren’t giving it away to a useless cause) and work on something you love.

Lift yourself out of that complacency you’ve settled into and strive to become the person you know you are, doing the things you want to do.

Everyone is different.  How you make decisions and sort through the data in your head is unique to you.  Take the time to do it.

I have a good analogy and anyone being honest will agree with this one…

You know how when you meet someone you are considering for a partner?  You usually know in the first 15 minutes if you are really interested… if there is chemistry…  if it could be serious…  You may never admit that… but it is true.

The same goes for what you’d like to do in life.  What your passion is.  What you love.  YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS.  You know what you want to do.  You know what you do well.

But the question is now – and always will be… what are you going to do about it?

Know Yourself

Know, first, who you are and then adorn yourself accordingly-Epictetus

Isn’t that one of the hardest things in life… knowing yourself?

AND isn’t that one of the biggest conundrums?  Who better to know you than you!  So why is it so hard?

Really… I would like to know…

Kids (mostly) know who they are…  When they are little, and innocent.. They are themselves.

Then peers and relatives and enemies and frenemies and the like come into the picture and then things go awry!  Then off to college a lot of people go where they are asked “What would you like to be when you grow up?”  Declare a major.  Some do and it is right.  Some do and then change it!  Some don’t and figure it out along the way… hopefully…

Now, I could be wrong, but I believe that just about everyone knows Who they are.  What they want.  What they are good at.  Where they want to be.  So why aren’t they living the life they want?

I have NO freaking idea!  But I do know that so very many people have let themselves get bogged down with ‘life’.  Not the life that makes them happy, that makes them thrive,that makes them shine…  but the day-today BS that everyone must wade through.

Some people have just learned that they don’t need to focus on this stuff – they need to focus on the other part of life.  Then they DO it. 🙂  Amazing right?

So why can’t you do it?  What is holding you back?  What fear?  What trepidations do you have?  Are they self-imposed?  Think about it.

Now on to the second part of that quote…

Once you figure out ‘you’… adorn yourself accordingly.  Find the things you can do to get you where you want to go.  Ask for help.  Write it down. Shout it from the roof tops.

Get RID of the negative.  Get rid of anyone keeping you from ‘you’.  Bring in the positive… there is a LOT out there.

Seriously… think about that…

Learning

A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing-George Bernard Shaw

How many people have out there have come to where they are in life by making NO mistakes?  Anyone?  Anyone?  Bueller?  I didn’t think so!

I love this quote because it rings so true…  but mainly because it makes me realize that it is better to get out there, even if it means making mistakes, even if it means looking foolish, because if you don’t try, you will never accomplish – and if you don’t accomplish ‘that thing’ that YOU want to in life…. my question is why not? 🙂

Think of all the things you could accomplish if you just try… and if you fail or make a mistake.. so what!  What did you learn from that?  Probably a lot and some good useful things that will help you not make that same mistake again!  What is that saying?  Those who ignore history are destined to repeat it…  another great quote!

So I say to anyone who reads this…  if there is something that you want to do, feel you should do, should do….  Give it a try!  I’m all for being prepared though – so at least take one look both ways before crossing the street, but don’t stand there in paralysis and never try – because if you do that – I can GUARANTEE you – you won’t get to the other side!

Be yourself

Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else -Judy Garland

I cannot tell you how much I LOVE this quote!  We all know people who are like this – and have even done it ourselves, whether once or too much!  Trying to pretend like you are something or someone who you are not just doesn’t make sense to me – because I feel you would either collapse from the work of ‘acting’ or else you would change who you are entirely!  Now while that seems beneficial to some people (just saying) – I’m not sure that works for everyone!

I believe that most people out there want to be the best they can, do the right things, in essence ‘be the best that you can be’ (to steal that from the Army).  What happens though, people lose their self-confidence/self-esteem… and believe that to fit in or to ‘make it’ they have to conform their clothes, their hair, their personalities, their opinions, etc.  I’m not saying that everyone should go to the CEO of their company and purge out all of their ideas and thoughts – but should you work in a place where your views are SO different from the people running it anyway?  Just a thought.

Be yourself.  It’s natural. It builds up your confidence, gives you strength, helps you define who you are, lets you lead the life you really want to lead, and did I mention it was natural?

Being yourself  – and being a first rate version of that self defines that place we would all like to be.  I for one, would like to never be a second rate version of anyone else and would never want anyone to be  second rate version of me!

Creativity

A hunch is creativity trying to tell you something -Frank Capra

A hunch, a gut feeling, or whatever you call it defines one of the most powerful tools that we have.  The key to using it to its full potential though hinges on being able to LISTEN to it and UNDERSTAND it… and of course, FOLLOW it.

I’ve never taken a poll, but I don’t think there is anyone out there who has not experienced this phenomena.  I know I have.  Many times I listen to it, and it has never let me down…  A few times in life I ignored it (for whatever reason) and wish I hadn’t.

So the next time the hair on your arm/back of your neck stands up, the next time you PAUSE on making a decision, take a moment and ask yourself why…  I don’t know about everyone’s gut out there – but I always listen to mine now!  It seems to hold some pretty good advice. 🙂

So back to the quote…  When you get an idea, a thought, something you need to or should do –  listen to that too – everyone is creative in different ways, so listen to your gut when you get a glimpse of a way to show off your creativity…  you more than likely will be pleasantly surprised!

Ingenuity

Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity-George S. Patton

Anyone out there ever have a boss that micro-managed you?  You know what I’m talking about…  told you step by step how to do something, constantly coming around making sure you are on track, and telling you over and over what your next step is?  I have – but I didn’t have that boss for long!  I may just be me (and I don’t think it is) – but if I get hired for a job, I should be able to do that job…  so having someone constantly doing my job ‘with me’ makes me wonder why they don’t just do it.

In my time of working on projects, I have seen every type of worker imaginable.  Believe it or not, there actually are some people out there that NEED  micro-management – but my response to that is usually that they should be doing something else.  I would think it would be tiring being one of those managers… constantly having to be on top of what everyone else is doing ALL the time…  how would you get anything else done!

However, I think that as the quote says, if you leave people to their own devices to get the job done… they will.  Will they do it exactly the way you would?  Probably not… but if the end result is a success, does it matter?  NO!  You might even learn something from that person!  “You can do that process in 5 steps rather than 9?  How”  Things like that… or you might be introduced to some technology you didn’t even know existed!

So if you happen to be one of those managers that do this – you should rethink – both your actions and the people who work for you.  Maybe they can actually do the job without your constant re-direction, but over time they have gotten lazy and figured what is the point in doing something on their own…  Maybe you work for someone like this…  hard to have a conversation with someone like this and explain how they are hindering you and wasting their time – but it might be worth it – if not – I believe it is definitely worth finding a position where you can use your skills and grow…  Just a thought.

Sunshine

Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves- James Barrie

It took me a while, but I finally had an ‘A-HA’ moment one day about what this quote represents.  But I plan to take it the long, convoluted way around to explain….  stay with me!

Have you ever noticed that when you see someone having a bad day, a bad moment, throwing a fit, complaining, and you thought YOU were having a bad day… sometimes it makes you feel better?  Well I noticed that one day.  Someone was complaining, throwing a fit, being mean and upset  so just paused and looked at them and smiled.  Then I changed the subject, started laughing about something and pretty soon they were smiling too.

This ‘revelation’ didn’t happen overnight for me!!  I definitely had my times to sit around and join in on the gripe sessions.  Believe it or not – I never felt better after those sessions.  I didn’t get anything worked out, and I ended up either mad, sad or both!  Sometimes, I may have thought I felt better – getting it all out and having someone actually listen to me, but that wasn’t the norm.

So now back around the convoluted path….  One day I read something about smiles being contagious…  I decided to experiment.  I started looking into the eyes of people I would see at various places and I would smile and say ‘Hi’, ‘Good Morning’,’ Good Afternoon’, etc. and I noticed that MOST of the time I would get a smile back and a reply (there are people out there that take a lot more than a smile to bring around!)  This always works on me too when someone does it to me.

I think it is amazing.  Don’t you?  Something that takes really no effort or extra time, can brighten someone’s day and possibly put them in a mood that will allow them to excel that day!  So back around to the quote… when you know you have brought sunshine into the life of someone else – don’t you feel it yourself?  I think it would be impossible not to.

So have a great day, smile and remember – when I read the stats for this page and see that someone (I can’t tell who) – but someone read this post…  I will know that at some point they smiled, and that brings sunshine to me!  I am smiling now as I write this! Enjoy your day!